Dating / Lilith

Mark as spam: Boy edition

Dear diary,

You know that really good feeling when your work email inbox has been overflowing, but you finally take the time to whittle it down to the blessed zero mark? What a relief, right?

Well, I cleared out my boy-inbox. And my god, it really does feel great.

I had a couple of stray boys cluttering my inbox like those Bed Bath and Beyond coupons you can’t bring yourself to delete just in case you need to buy a handheld steamer.

One boy was nice enough, another was very meh, but overall I felt more weighed down by their presence than flattered–a sure sign that it was time to cut ties. So, I scripted my texts, pressed send, and let the relief wash over me.

I think a lot of girls around my age feel like they need to have someone they’re at least ~talking to~ at all times to be an active player in the dating world. We fill up our phone’s memory with dating apps, we devour Cosmo articles on the top 10 best opening lines, we go on second and third dates even though the first one was superbly subpar, and we keep those boys around just in case, even though we know we don’t like them.

It’s empowering to put yourself out there, but it’s also empowering to let yourself take a step back and feel comfortable on the sidelines.

It’s been about two weeks since I emptied my boy-inbox and here’s what I’ve learned so far:

  1. It’s only awkward for a second when your friends ask you what’s new with your love life and you say nothing. As soon as they catch onto the fact that you’re happy with this, it’s not a big deal.
  2. Your mom may not-so-subtly hint that she wants grandkids one day, but it’s your life so your mom can butt out.
  3. Fuck boys have a sixth sense for these things. They’ll come crawling out of the woodwork to booty call you because they want what they can’t have. Stay strong. Mark as spam. Delete.
  4. Do something new. I agreed to be a bouncer for a rap concert because why not. (Also, yes, I know, wtf but I had a blast).
  5. Buy a new outfit or get a haircut or paint your nails a bright color. You’re completely free and you have not one single obligation to anyone–this is a thing of beauty that must be celebrated.

How long will I keep my inbox at zero? Honestly, I’m not sure. I’m not going to set a specific timeline for myself. If I meet someone absolutely phenomenal tomorrow, of course I’m not going to shrug my shoulders and tell him to fuck off because I’m anti-boys.

But one thing I do know for sure: I don’t want my inbox to go back to being filled with junk mail just because I’m bored and let the twenty-scaries get to me.


Lilith/spam filter

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