Dating / Mary Carmichael

Snapchats, spanks, and sleaze, oh my!

Dear diary,

Let me tell you about Karl. I knew the guy for one week and two dates, but boy do I have stories to share.

We met on a Saturday at a drunken day party. He was cute and charming and I was flattered by the attention he was giving me. So, even though the first text he sent me that day after getting my number was cringe-worthy—“Hey ur pretty sexy”—I responded saying it was fun meeting him.

He asked me out and we went to dinner the following Monday. Honestly, I had a great time. He complimented me the entire dinner, asked all about my life and my family, and laughed at all my little quirks. I was enjoying his company so much that, despite my indifference to hockey, I said yes when he asked if I wanted to go to a sports bar after dinner to watch the Caps game.

Finally,” I ecstatically told my roommate when I walked into our apartment after he dropped me off (and kissed me goodnight), “Finally, I had a wonderful first date.”

And then the texting started.

Throughout the next few days I heard from him constantly. I don’t like texting someone nonstop until I really know them, so I purposely waited hours between responses in hopes that he would pump the breaks. This tactic seemed to have the opposite effect, however, since he’d follow up with additional texts when I took too long to answer. Some of the week’s highlights:

Tuesday: “So I’m totally Facebook stalking you….god damn girl.” (because yes, he had already friended me on Facebook)

Wednesday morning: “Give me your snapchat” (followed by a close up selfie of him saying “Let’s make out”) (we had kissed once)

Wednesday afternoon: He invited me to watch the Caps game with him that night even though I had mentioned I was busy that week until our already planned date on Saturday. I told him that I already had plans but that I was excited to hang out the next weekend.

Wednesday night: He double texted me after I hadn’t responded to his previous text two hours earlier saying send good luck vibes for the Caps game.

Later Wednesday night: He triple texted me. I nicely told him that I’d rather get to know him in person and that I’m not a “good texter” when I’m just getting to know people. He seemed to take it well.

Thursday: He listened—no texts!

First thing Friday morning: “Hey couple things 1) you’re really hott 2) what time should I expect you tomorrow 3) did I mention you’re really hott?” (yes, with the double ts)

Friday night: He double texted to once again ask me to send good luck vibes for the Caps game. (Did I mention I don’t like hockey?)

Saturday morning (3 am): He texted me his address saying come any time tomorrow.

By the end of the week, I felt suffocated and a little uncomfortable. But our first date had been so great, I was determined to give us a shot.

So I chose to overlook the texts, even the absurd and offensive ones. When he texted me early in the week complaining he had to keep his phone in a drawer at work because he was “employed at a concentration camp,” I awkwardly laughed. When he nicknamed me “sexy” despite barely knowing me, I didn’t say anything. When he told me he wanted to go to the pool for our date Saturday because he wanted to “see me in a bathing suit,” I tried to feel flattered rather than uncomfortable.

There was one particular moment that stands out even more than the rest. He texted me asking me to send good luck to the Caps (how had he not caught on to the fact that I don’t care about hockey?), and I joked that I had already said good luck to my friends who were Flyers fans. He responded with a dramatic “How could you? ” so I responded with an eye roll emoji.

You know what he said?

Don’t eye roll me, I’m gonna spank you tomorrow if you don’t change that attitude young lady.

Let me use this story as a lesson (for everyone, but mostly for myself): if a guy makes statements this aggressive and sends texts this incessantly before date two, his behavior isn’t a fluke. The inappropriate texts are not part of a nervous character quirk that came out for five days. He is not hiding who he is. This is him.

By that Saturday afternoon, I would have learned this lesson the hard way.

I’ll hold off on those details until my next entry. Stay tuned.


Mary Carmichael

One thought on “Snapchats, spanks, and sleaze, oh my!

  1. Pingback: 100% chance of rain, 0% chance of a third date | District Dating Diaries

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